I DO NOT LIKE WEARING A MASK by Tom Alderman

I also do not like eating liver but rejecting liver will not kill me. Rejecting a mask can. Masks are necessary. But it is also true that wearing one is discomforting and annoying, isn’t it? Let us count just some of the ways…

CAN’T HEAR YOU — Those old enough to remember Dick Tracy’s arch enemy Mumbles, know what I mean.

CAN’T SEE YOU — Is she smiling? Frowning? Skeptical? How is he really reacting because I cannot see any facial indications.

I REALLY CAN’T SEE YOU — My glasses are all fogged up. No, I do not want to buy a de-fogging spray.

WHOSE BAD BREATH IS THAT? — It’s mine!

I CAN’T BREATH VERY WELL — Which tends to happen when you smother your mouth and nose.

I HAVE A CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHT NOT TO WEAR A MASK. You bet. The Bill of Rights says so.

We are a nation founded on the concept of personal freedom. Pour our rugged American individualism myth into the mix and nobody is going to tell me what I must wear or how to live my life. Really? How about seatbelts? Over half a century ago the federal government mandated seatbelts for all new cars. We groused, we complained, we resisted wearing them. Same reason: personal freedom. Not wearing a seatbelt could get you a ticket.

UNMASKING THE BRIGHT SIDE — Masks are also very good for business at this time. We go out more which means we spend more. We also spend more money from those mail catalogs featuring masks that actually have “a breathing valve” meaning my valveless rag is inadequate.

THE HEALTHY SIDE — Masks can be quite therapeutic for people subject to panic attacks. Blowing into a paper bag closed around the moth often helps by altering our CO2 and oxygen balance.

MEMTAL HEALTH SIDE — Socially phobic or sensitive introverts often find comfort under a mask — less self consciousness, less judgement from others.

PERSONAL CONCLUSION — Given the choice between a killer germ and a dead me, I choose a mask. You?

With thousands dying every day, should masks be legally mandated. Should police be able to hand out tickets? You?